I d e n t i t y

I really
don’t know
who I am.

I don’t quite know
if I prefer which color to which
or night to day
or rain to shine.

and even if I did
I can’t seem to find any
value in these vessels,
vessels that never
fill up or
fill me up.

I search relentlessly
for my identity,
an identity that is my own,
an identity that paints me in color
so I don’t have to be gray.

an identity that clothes me in truth,
an identity that points to what is real,
an identity that makes me solid because you see,
I am fading. I am becoming something false.

I search in people
for my identity
but I just can’t find myself
in them.

I search in
myself
but I don’t know if this is really me because
my hands keep returning
empty.

well,
I guess I like this
and I guess I like that
so maybe I can find myself in doing that,
and maybe I can be that.

but no.
even then,
there is still this hole
and I can’t
hold on
to the edges.

I keep trying to hold onto things
but everything is slipping from my grasp.
why can’t my hands hold tighter?
why can’t my lungs breathe better?
why can’t my mind think clearer?
why, why, why?

I remember something I read once
about how this world won’t satisfy the hole
we each have
in our hearts.

I thought I was the only one here
feeling this way
and I came to the conclusion that there was
no cure.

I wandered a graveyard of identities
searching for my own.
I was sure it had to be dead
but I couldn’t find it in all of those.

so now where do I go?

I stop here.

my hands tremble as I turn
thin transparent pages
with black lettering
I can lean close
and read as words.

It’s talking about setting my mind on things
above
and not on earthly things…
that I died
and my life is hidden
with Christ in God?

searching, searching,
pages are turning.
heart pounding,
life abounding.

everywhere in this guide I see
fingerprints so much greater than I
and whispers of
finding myself
in a loving God
who died for me…

that my identity is nowhere here,
nowhere on this place called
earth…

that I need to seek
what is above
and so I pray:

God
please
fill
me.

rapidly turning pages,
verses leaping before my eyes,
spirit lifting,
unexplainable joy floods my soul.

peace unfolds,
grace wins,
mercy flows….

and oh look.
I’ve found my
identity.


“If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.” ~Colossians 3:1-4~

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Author: Misty

Why hello there. :) I'm Misty, a Christian writer, photographer, and violinist. The most likely places to find me are at the beach or the library, or maybe curled up somewhere clacking away at an old typewriter.

11 thoughts on “I d e n t i t y”

      1. If you have the time, could I ask you a quick question? When you wrote for your novel, did you have a set time each day to work on it, or was it spur of the moment? So far, I have 83,283 words in my novel Loyalty, and it was all spur of the moment, but I’m trying to find a better way to work on it. 😛

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Sure! I wrote my novel during NaNoWriMo, where I only had one month to write it. I also wrote it as a total pantster with no plan whatsoever (which I do not recommend, haha). I had decided I would write my novel whenever I got the chance, but that quickly became the end of the day when I was finished with all of my schoolwork…so my writing time throughout the month was around 8-9pm to midnight. Sometimes 1 in the morning. Whatever it took me to reach enough words for that day. However, I would usually spend all day Saturday writing.
        But this was for NaNoWriMo, and November was a crazy month with school also because I was nearing midterms. For your novel, I suggest you set aside a particular time of day to work on it. Once you get in a consistent cycle of this, it will be easier to stay motivated and to not slack off. Just don’t forget to give yourself breaks every now and then! Don’t push yourself past your limits like I did. 😛
        Can’t wait to hear more about your novel when you’re finished!

        Liked by 1 person

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