Unchecked

i was late today
to check off the list
the same list i’ve had for years
of all the things i need to do
and all the things i need to prove
so that i can check off each bullet point and feel
satisfied with myself because i achieved everything
i’ve been wanting to achieve
but even after all this time
all those chances

i still have
unchecked things
on my list

i still have goals
that were never finished
things i told people i would do
that never happened
things i aspired to do by a certain time,
things i boxed in and told myself
i’d do
today
but what was today is now yesterday and the list is
still there
with unchecked bullet points
of all the things i need to do

sitting at my desk right now and going over that list
and feeling despaired and disappointed in myself
i run through my head all the things i did and all the things i didn’t
and i realize that my priorities are so messed up
sometimes

none of these things i need
none of these things define me
none of these things should bind me
none of these things i should obsess over
and be willing to drop everything else for
except the God who keeps on finding me

there’s things i’m learning to let go
and things i’m learning to de-prioritize,
things i’m learning to prioritize
Someone i’m learning to prioritize

sitting here at my desk
rearranging all the things on my list
by things i
need
and things i
want
and where
to draw
the line

for His priorities are mine

and if bullet points go unchecked
that’s okay
as long as it’s not my God going
unchecked