Still

i saw her there one morning.

she leaned against the window,
elbows propped on the sill,
breath clouding the glass,
absent gray eyes searching.

what she was searching for
i didn’t know.

the house was quiet, but her mind was not.
inside there were a thousand questions.
i could almost see them swirling in her head,
pounding at her skull,
infecting her mind,
demanding for answers.

answers to what
i didn’t know,

but probably a thousand different things.

suddenly her hand snuck to the glass,
to a fogged circle,
created by her breath,
where her finger made contact
and then swirls were drawn there,
a maze of shaped lines,
a smile.

until she erased it and there was only glass.

i promptly saw her that afternoon.

she was in a window-seat, i think,
her knees pulled to her chest,
her head titled slightly to the side,
and there i saw her breath gathered upon the glass again.

not just her breath but steam from a mug;
the coffee swirled as her finger had in the fog the day before,
but these are only little things she noticed in her churning mind.

i look again now and see her reflection staring back.
questions are still pounding but they dissipate when i close my eyes,
for i am a daughter of the King of kings and i give him my doubt.

he gives me peace in exchange.

in the glass i see a reflection of the girl i’ve always known,
the girl i am.
the girl who thinks too much.
the girl who’s learning to be still.

Lord, i want to be

still.

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Once S h a t t e r e d

There was so much  f e a r  welling up inside
and so much  a n g e r  just beneath the surface.
My lungs struggled for air but there was no
o x y g e n
so I tried to breathe the  p o i s o n
but  p a i n  flooded in and started to
t e a r  me apart when You came in
and whispered
to my broken  h e a r t  and put the pieces back
t o g e t h e r .

I thought the poison made me  w h o l e
but You let me taste  t r u t h
and drowned me in Your overwhelming cup of  m e r c y .
I hungered for  l o v e  and  g r a c e  I didn’t deserve,
and it’s unfathomable, the true  l o v e  You have for
such a broken thing like me. You had it all yet You wanted my
h e a r t .
I was a slave to sin but
You adopted me and broke my  c h a i n s  and set me  f r e e
and now I am a daughter of the
O n e  T r u e  K i n g .

You gave Your all
and died for me
and lived for me
and made me  b e a u t i f u l
even though I was once
s h a t t e r e d . . . .

You made me  w h o l e .